It hurts when you realize you’re being treated like an afterthought rather than someone who truly matters. But here’s the thing: you can take control of this situation. Most times, the way people treat us has a lot to do with the standards we set for ourselves and how we allow others to behave. This problem which might not seem so big, actually is. It has an immense effect on our lives and even our destinies.
I’m sure, you heard of the saying “You only live once”. Trust me, you dont want a life filled with regrets, low-self esteem and opportunies missed just because we cannot take control of our image and lives as a whole.
Let’s break down 10 common reasons why you might be seen as an option instead of a priority and what you can do to change that.
1. You Don’t Put Yourself First
If you’re always putting others before yourself, you’re teaching people that your needs don’t matter. While being generous and caring is great, constantly neglecting yourself sends the wrong message. People notice when you’re always available, even at your own expense. To be seen as a priority, you have to make yourself a priority first. Take care of your needs and show that your time and energy are valuable.
2. You Don’t Set Boundaries
When you let people do whatever they want without calling it out, you’re telling them it’s okay to treat you that way. For example, if someone cancels plans with you repeatedly and you just shrug it off, they’ll assume you’re fine with being an option. Setting boundaries—like saying no or expressing how you feel—shows that you value yourself.
3. You’re Always Available
If you’re always saying yes and dropping everything for others, it can backfire. When people know you’ll always be there no matter what, they might start taking you for granted. Instead, be selective about where you spend your time and energy. When you’re less available, people learn to value the time they do get with you.
4. You Tolerate Disrespect
Allowing disrespectful behavior sends a signal that you’re okay with being treated poorly. Whether it’s a friend who only calls when they need something or someone who constantly breaks promises, tolerating these actions lowers your value in their eyes. Speak up when someone crosses the line, and don’t be afraid to walk away if the disrespect continues.
5. You Overextend Yourself to Please Others
If you’re always going the extra mile to make others happy—while they put in minimal effort—it creates an imbalance. People might start to see you as someone they can use rather than someone they need to respect. Instead of bending over backward for everyone, focus on relationships where the effort is mutual.
6. You Avoid Speaking Up About What You Want
If you don’t clearly communicate your needs and expectations, people won’t know how to treat you. For instance, if you want more consistency in a relationship but never express it, you might end up feeling ignored. Don’t be afraid to have honest conversations about what matters to you. Being vocal shows confidence and helps others understand how to prioritize you.
7. You Try Too Hard to Be Liked
If you’re constantly seeking approval, it can come across as desperate. The Stoics believed that chasing others’ validation weakens your self-respect. People are naturally drawn to those who are confident in themselves. Instead of trying to please everyone, focus on being authentic. When you value your true self, others will too.
8. You Stay in One-Sided Relationships
If you’re putting all the effort into a relationship—whether it’s a friendship, romantic connection, or even a family bond—it’s a sign you’re not being prioritized. One-sided relationships are exhausting and unfair. Take a step back and evaluate: Are they meeting you halfway? If not, it might be time to shift your focus to people who value you equally.
9. You Don’t Respect Your Own Time
When you let others waste your time or interrupt your goals, it shows a lack of self-respect. Maybe you drop everything when someone calls, even if it means skipping something important to you. People notice how you treat your own time. If you don’t respect it, they won’t either. Start valuing your schedule, and others will follow suit.
10. You’re Afraid to Walk Away
Sometimes, we stay in situations where we’re not valued because we’re scared of being alone or losing a connection. But staying in relationships where you’re treated as an option only hurts you in the long run. Walking away takes courage, but it’s also one of the strongest statements you can make about your self-worth. When you remove yourself from places where you’re not respected, you create space for people who will treat you as a priority.
READ: How to Shift from Being an Option to a Priority
Final Thoughts
Being treated as an option can be painful, but you have the power to change it. By all the things I mentioned above, you naturally shift into the role of a priority. Remember, the way others treat you starts with how you treat yourself. Choose to value yourself, and watch how everything around you changes for the better.
