As much as its is good to defend yourself, your values and beliefs, this behaviour might put you in a situation where you are left feeling triggered, annoyed and dissatisfied. There are vast amounts of information on social media that will tell you how to behave in order to look better in other peoples eyes, this post is not one of them.
Although, Over defensiveness may cause you to seem less confident and less alluring to others, this article mainly emphasizes on the intrinsic feelings that may affect your outer conternance (how people percieve you). Your intrinsic feelings matter to you, how people percieve you matters to them. So join me and make sure you read to the end and please click the pinterest link to join my community.
What exactly is over defensiveness in this context?
In the context of this article, over defensiveness does not mean self defense in anyway. It is rather an exagerrated response to perceived criticism, challenges, or feedback, often characterized by a strong emotional reaction, such as irritation, denial, or even hostility.
I had a friend back in university, who would always emphasize on how ‘overly social’ I was when that was not the truth. I was charismatic in a way that most people knew me and always greeted me when I’m out and so that made me seem social. Being social isn’t a bad thing but it triggered when she made that statement. I felt three major emotions – first, heartbroken, because I expected her to know me better, two, to defend myself & justify my claims and lastly, to shrink myself in public so I wouldn’t seem so social. This behaviour affected me.
The root problem; why you might feel the need to over defend
Over-defensiveness often comes from a fear of criticism, which is understandable. There are parts of ourselves we dont want to accept or struggle with imposter syndrome. Its can be tied to low self-esteem and insecurity, making even small bits of feedback feel really personal. If you’re a perfectionist, it might be hard to accept mistakes because you’ve set impossibly high standards for yourself. Past experiences, like being unfairly judged or criticized, can leave emotional wounds that make you more sensitive. On top of that, if it’s hard to manage your emotions in the moment, it can be tough to respond calmly, and defensiveness becomes a way to protect yourself.
10 ways over defensiveness ruin your essence
You go against yourself when you try to prove everything and below is 10 ways this can ruin your allure
1. Insecurity
Over-defensiveness often signals low self-confidence, when you’re always trying to respond to everything and prove you become unsure of yourself, which can in affect your self assurance.
2. Blocks Vulnerability
vulnerability is an attractive quality, when you are overly defensive it alters this quality. The art of vulnerability is about stepping into the world with our authentic selves, flaws and all. Aceepting this will save you so much stress.
3. Diminishes Emotional Intelligence
When you react defensively instead of engaging thoughtfully constantly, it shows a lack of emotional maturity (or self-awareness) or an inability to handle constructive feedback gracefully.
4. Creates Tension in Communication
Defensiveness can lead to strained conversations and make others feel like they’re walking on eggshells around you, which isn’t conducive to building strong relationships. If someone or a certain group of people constantly trigger you, it is best to withdraw. No one should remain where only the bad version of themselves come alive.
5. Shuts Down Curiosity
Overly defensive behavior often prevents mystery and open-mindedness. Let people dwell on their opinions about you sometimes, be open to certain feedback and take corrections when you can.
6. Signals Lack of Accountability
Constantly justifying actions or shifting blame can make you seem unreliable or unwilling to take responsibility, traits that are unattractive in personal and professional relationships.
7. Weakens Authenticity
Over-defensiveness can lead to masking your true self to avoid criticism, undermining your authenticity and confidence.
8. Diminishes your Charm
Being overly defensive can replace humor, warmth, and lightheartedness with tension and frustration, reducing your overall charisma and likability.
9. Drains Emotional Energy
Over-defensiveness can be exhausting to you and those around you as well. Being on guard always creates mental and emotional tension, leading to unnecessary stress.
10. Hinders Growth
Being overly defensive that hinder your growth because you become obsssed with others opinions. If its coming from a concerned/honest point of view, then acknowlege their input and if not, ignore.
What to do rather than overly defend
Instead of overly defending yourself, focus on staying calm and open to the feedback or situation at hand. Take a deep breath and listen actively without interrupting or preparing a rebuttal. Acknowledge the other person’s perspective by saying something like, “I understand what you’re saying,” which shows you’re receptive rather than combative. If you feel misunderstood, calmly clarify your stance without over-explaining or blaming, using phrases like, “Here’s what I meant.” Reflect on whether the feedback has merit.
When someone says something disrespectful that has an intent to belittle you, do not entertain it. I know you would want to defend yourself, it’s a natural human emotion but it really does not stop them from having their own opinions. Rather it makes you question your own self. Know yourself and the power you hold. Trust me, you do not need to prove anyhing if you are truly self aware and confident.
Conclusion
Defence will always come in handy to protect yourself and interests but overly doing it, over and over again might be mentally draining and exhausting. An environment that forces you to prove yourself at every point in time is a toxic one, dont give in. Move at your own pace and work on your shortcomings.
Staying calm and open shows confidence and maturity, it allows you to address concerns constructively without compromising your self-worth or relationships. Recognizing that you’re not defined by one mistake or critique can help you respond with grace rather than defensiveness.
