There has been moments in my life where I was tested to the core, moments when I questioned myself, my life, my values and even my existence. I know that many of you have felt this ways before. Life will always come at you in different ways you expect. You will sometimes have to overcome obstacles in other to get to a certain point in life. Most of the things we go through sometimes might seem insignificant and pointless but something happen for a reason.
Let me tell you a little story;
Throughout my years in uni, I worked very hard. Most nights were spent on work, study and assignments. I did all this so my CGPA (Cumulative grade point average) would sum up to anything above a 4.5 (4.5 -5.0 CGPA in my country is considered as an honors first class degree). It had always been my dream to graduate with that degree and so I worked extremely hard for it and did what I could to pass my papers which I did. When my final results came out after the last semester examination, it said on my result that I had graduated with a 4.43 CGPA. Everyone was happy for me, they said I did well but they didn’t understand my plight, they didn’t understand why I was so heartbroken and depressed. I didn’t want to just pass my exams, I wanted to make myself and my family really proud. My confidence had dropped since in high school where I had failed countless times and so I desperately needed to pass exceptionally to redeem myself from all the trauma I had to go through before university.
What exactly is frustration?
Frustration is one of those feelings we all know too well. But what exactly is frustration, and why does it affect us so deeply?
Frustration is a feeling of being stuck or blocked from achieving something we want. It’s like hitting a wall we can’t seem to climb over, even though we can see what we want just on the other side. It’s that buildup of tension when things don’t go according to plan, or when we face an obstacle that feels impossible to overcome.
When frustration takes hold, it can do more than just make us feel stressed or disappointed. If we let it, frustration can quickly lead to anger, impatience, and even hopelessness. It clouds our ability to think clearly, make good decisions, or see a way out. And this is where Stoicism can help us. Stoicism isn’t about ignoring our feelings; it’s about learning to control them, especially during tough times. Below are ten proven ways to practice Stoicism to keep frustration from taking control.
1. Allow yourself to feel
The first step to overcoming frustration is simply to not deny your feeling. Do not deprive yourself from the emotions you experience. Allowing yourself to feel whatever feeling you may have deeply is the first step to ultimate self control and strength. When I saw my results, I allowed myself to cry, I knew that I felt sad so I gave myself a time frame to cry and loathe. After I was done expressing mu feelings and accessing my emotions, I felt so much better.
2. Take a Deep Breath and Pause
It is essential to pause, Take a deep breath. This momentary pause allows your mind to reset, breaking the cycle of frustration and helping you think more clearly. Breathing deeply lowers stress hormones and can help you feel more in control. After all the feeling i had done, I allowed myself to breathe
3. Accept What You Can’t Control
A core principle of Stoicism is focusing on what you can control and letting go of the rest. You can’t control other people’s actions or the outcome of every situation, but you can control how you react. By accepting this, you’ll start to feel less stressed and more focused on what you can change. I acknowledged the fact that I worked so hard (what I can control) and decided to leave the rest.
4. Reframe the Situation
Try to view frustrating situations as opportunities for growth rather than setbacks. Instead of seeing an obstacle as a personal failure, see it as a challenge you’re capable of overcoming. This shift in perspective, known as cognitive reframing, can reduce frustration and improve your resilience.
5. Practice Gratitude
When frustration arises, it’s easy to focus only on the negatives. However, if you take a moment to think of things you’re grateful for, it helps to put things in perspective. It’s amazing how this small practice can calm your mind and remind you of what truly matters.
6. Break Down Big Problems into Smaller Steps
If the issue that’s frustrating you feels huge and overwhelming, try breaking it down. Set small, manageable goals to address each part of the problem. Tackling one thing at a time reduces that feeling of being overwhelmed and gives you a sense of progress.
7. Embrace the Art of Letting Go
Sometimes, letting go of expectations or a particular outcome can be incredibly liberating. Stoicism teaches us that we don’t always need to win or have everything go our way. By letting go of strict expectations, you free yourself from unnecessary disappointment.
8. Remember, This Too Shall Pass
In the middle of frustration, it often feels like it will last forever. Remind yourself that, like everything else, this moment is temporary. Most of the things we worry about today won’t even matter in a year. This perspective can help ease the immediate intensity of the emotion. I realized that overall success in life doesn’t have to do with grades only, there are so many things that have to be put in place to succeed in life.
9. Practice Self-Compassion
It’s easy to beat yourself up when things go wrong. But instead of criticizing yourself, treat yourself with kindness. Self-compassion doesn’t mean ignoring mistakes; it means acknowledging them without judgment and using them as a learning experience. I had done well, despite the difficult school curriculum and terrible educational system I defied all odds and performed. I learnt that I didnt have to be hard on myself.
10. Take Time for Yourself
Sometimes, stepping away from the source of frustration is all you need. Take a walk, listen to music, meditate, or do something that recharges you. Even a small break can give you fresh energy and help you approach the problem with a clearer mind.
11. Focus on the Present Moment
Frustration often drags us into an endless loop of worrying about what could have been or what might go wrong next. By focusing on the present moment, you can avoid the spiral of regret and anxiety. Mindfulness is a Stoic practice that can help you stay grounded in the here and now.
Why you should never let frustration conquer you
It’s important to learn how to control our frustration because, if unchecked, it may turn into anger, worry, and even despair, impairing our judgment and causing us to make impulse decisions. When frustration overwhelms us, it may make us feel helpless, intensify negative emotions, and impair our capacity to identify solutions. This kind of thinking can harm relationships, impede productivity, and restrict our personal development in addition to having an adverse effect on our mental and emotional health. Effective frustration management helps us maintain control, make wiser choices, and face obstacles head-on with fortitude and clarity.
Final Thoughts
Frustration is a natural part of life, but it doesn’t have to control us. Through the principles of Stoicism, you can learn to manage frustration effectively and even grow from it. When you take a moment to breathe, shift your focus, and remind yourself of what you can control, frustration loses its power. Remember, every moment of frustration is an opportunity to practice patience, build resilience, and learn more about yourself.
So, next time life throws you a curveball, don’t let frustration conquer you. Take it one step at a time, focus on what matters, and know that you have the power to stay calm, resilient, and stoic—even in the hardest of times.
