The traits you admire in others? They’re mirrors of what’s already inside you, just waiting to be nurtured.
We all have qualities we admire and want to adapt for ourselves. Maybe it’s calmness under pressure, a magnetic sense of confidence, grace, emotional maturity, or a quiet strength that speaks louder than words. It can even be something more physical like dressing up or doing your makeup in a particular kind of way. Whatever those qualities or traits are, you don’t have to envy them from afar. Life isn’t fixed — you can grow, change, and evolve as much as you want.
There are downsides to everything or at least most things. Before you get so obsessed with learning new traits, you have to check whether it suits your values, person, and the lifestyle you are currently living. So let’s say I want to adopt an influencer lifestyle or habits like attending every event when I work a 9–5 and have a side business. Of course, an influencer has her lifestyle for a reason. In that case, I will become burnt out trying to fit everything into my own life.
The positives are obvious. You can develop better habits, become a better version of yourself, and live your life in a more quality way. It is a part of growing, which is very necessary to us as human beings.
But how do you go from simply admiring a trait to actually living it?
Developing admirable traits is a conscious, gradual process. It doesn’t happen overnight, but it also doesn’t require you to change your entire personality. With consistency and intention, you can grow into the person you already envision.
Here’s how to begin.
Understand the why
You have to understand why and be honest about why you want this trait in your life. Is it to live better? Is it for security purposes? Is it to be seen and respected? Whatever the case might be, you have to know why you want this particular trait. As I would normally advise, if the trait you want to embody is good, you can proceed. But if it is detrimental, shallow, and useless, it’s best to refrain.
Get specific about the trait you admire
You have to be specific with the traits you want to incorporate into your life. Being clear about what you want helps you set the direction you need to follow. It’s not enough to say, “I want to be more confident.” Ask yourself: what kind of confidence am I drawn to? Is it soft-spoken confidence that doesn’t need to be loud to be powerful? Is it the fearless kind that speaks up in any room?
Instead of saying, “I want to be more feminine,” ask: what does that look like to me? Is it grace, emotional warmth, poise, softness, or discernment?
Write it out. Define the trait in your own words. This gives your mind a clear target.
Customize your information channels
You get so much information from everywhere these days, but the most important right now is our phones. We use them more often than ever before and we have access to so much information on different applications. You have to customize first your social media, follow people and accounts who inspire you on that journey and unfollow people who don’t. Subscribe to more channels. Educate yourself on that from time to time.
Pay attention to people you see day to day that have these traits you seek and study:
How they speak
How they react to stress
How they carry themselves
What they don’t do or say
Don’t copy them, study them. You’re not trying to be someone else. You’re learning the habits and mindset that support the trait you admire.
Create a garden for the planted trait to grow (figuratively)
You have to create a garden for that new part of you to grow. You shouldn’t do this by shutting parts of you down. Let’s say you want to stop oversharing too much. You can start by working on your sense of security. When you’re secure in yourself, you won’t feel the need to tell people everything.
Traits don’t come alive only in big situations — they show up in micro-moments. If you want to be more graceful, practice grace when you’re stuck in traffic. If you want to be emotionally grounded, practice responding calmly when someone irritates you.
Remember to catch old patterns and replace them gently
Developing a new trait often means letting go of an old pattern. For example, if you admire emotional maturity, start by noticing when you’re about to react impulsively. Pause. Breathe. Ask yourself, “What would the version of me I admire do right now?”
Stay patient and compassionate with yourself
You won’t transform overnight and that’s okay. Traits are not costumes you put on. They are energies you grow into through repetition, reflection, and real-life experience.
Some days you’ll fall short. Some moments will trigger your old self. But the key is to keep returning to the version of you that you’re building. That return again and again is what creates change.
Change doesn’t happen all at once. It happens when you consistently choose the new you over the old reaction, one small moment at a time.
Example
Let’s say you want to be more mysterious.
Understand the why: I want to be more mysterious because my privacy is important. People shouldn’t know everything about me (especially when I might not be making anything from it). It breeds disrespect and I want less of that.
Get specific: How do I overshare? I talk about everything on social media and in real life and I want to reduce that.
Customize your information channels: Unfollow podcasts and YouTube channels that promote oversharing. Follow more mysterious people and be around individuals who know how to compose themselves.
Create a garden for the planted trait to grow (figuratively): To create a garden, understand why you do it in the first place. Heal the inner trauma and let the new trait grow. When you’re with a group of people, try to speak with intention.
Stay patient and compassionate with yourself: Don’t judge yourself when you overshare. Don’t completely eliminate that part of yourself if it’s you. Just limit it to specific people.
Final Thoughts
You don’t become magnetic, graceful, calm, confident, or wise by simply wanting to be. You become her through daily practice — by being intentional with your thoughts, your energy, and your habits.
The traits you admire in others? They’re mirrors of what’s already inside you, just waiting to be nurtured.
Start small. Be patient. And most of all, stay consistent.
