“Toxic positivity is shutting down someone’s pain with ‘it’s all good’ or ‘just be positive.’ Empathy doesn’t require us to fix or even cheer up the person; it requires us to be present.”
Brené Brown
“Isolate for six months and come back as a changed person”, “You’re better than many others, be grateful”. “Do not give up, if you don’t like it force yourself to” Positivity is mainly aimed at looking at situations fwith a positive and optimistic outlook. While it can be good, some kind of toxicity arises when this positive outlook is detrimental, apathetic or harmful to the person in question. Let me tell a story for better understanding…
Back in highschool, my dream was to be a doctor but I wasn’t so confident in myself. The main reason why I wanted to be a doctor was to make my family proud. I picked interest in other things like psychology, literature, technology etc.
At a point, I kept failing all my exams and coudnt just seem to get admission into medicine. I spent two and half years failing and failing and trying so hard for something I didn’t really want but then my family was so positive that it was just a few setbacks. These setbacks ruined my confidence and self esteem. I was so ashamed cause all my friends has started uni and I avoided questions relating to school.
When I decided to try something else, (computer science). They shut it down completely, I got the admission and decided to take it. That became a big problem, they kept on empasizing on the fact that I had chosen a wrong path and I was going to be somewhat useless. Now I’m a computer science graduate.
Let’s break this down…
It was obvious that I was struggling and getting depressed but they kept pushing. They were being positive and optimistic but in a toxic way. Toxic opositivity is basically when you disregard or overlook someone’s welfare. It is a kind of positivity that lacks empathy.
Below are top three truths about toxic positivity;
1. It Invalidates Genuine Emotions
Toxic positivity dismisses the complexity of human emotions by suggesting that only positive feelings are acceptable. When someone’s struggling and hears phrases like “Just think positive” or “It could be worse,” they may feel their pain is being minimized or ignored. This can lead to feelings of isolation and shame, as though their struggles aren’t valid or worthy of attention.
Real positivity allows space for all emotions—both good and bad. Acknowledging pain and discomfort is a necessary step toward healing. Instead of shutting down difficult feelings, we should create safe spaces for open and honest expression.
2. It Creates Unrealistic Expectations
The “good vibes only” mentality can set an unattainable standard, making people feel pressured to be happy all the time. This expectation ignores the fact that life is a mix of highs and lows, and that’s okay. Nobody can sustain constant positivity without compromising their mental health.
When people are told to “look on the bright side” without acknowledging their struggles, they may feel inadequate for not being able to move on quickly. True growth comes from accepting life’s challenges and learning how to navigate them, not pretending they don’t exist.
3. It Can Damage Relationships
When toxic positivity is directed at others, it can erode trust and deepen emotional wounds. For example, if a friend shares their grief or frustration, responding with platitudes like “Everything happens for a reason” may make them feel unheard. This well-meaning but dismissive response can shut down meaningful conversations and prevent deeper connections.
A more compassionate approach is to validate the other person’s feelings. Saying something like, “That sounds really hard” or “I’m here for you” can make a world of difference. Empathy builds bridges, while toxic positivity often creates barriers.
Final Thoughts
Toxic positivity stems from a desire to help, but it often backfires by invalidating emotions, setting unrealistic expectations, and straining relationships. The truth is, positivity is most powerful when paired with authenticity and empathy. By embracing the full spectrum of human emotions, we can create a more supportive and understanding world. Next time you’re tempted to offer a quick “It’ll be fine,” consider offering a listening ear instead sometimes, that’s all someone needs.
